dinsdag 27 september 2016

This is me, this is my story!

Helloooo there!
I've been active on instagram for a while now as some might know.
I started being active on social media when I started eating healthy and working out, because there's a big 'fitness' community on IG and on other social platforms. So nice to see everyone inspiring and helping eachother!
All this time being active I never really introduced myself.. yeah pictures and posts say something about a person (and I'm not shy on sharing and telling things), but I don't think it tells who I am.
It's about time I introduce myself properly. Who I am, what I like, what keeps me busy and so on!
Oh and also my story behind the 'fitness and healthy eating' stuff.. never shared it and I don't know why, because I'm really not shy on sharing personal stuff.

Here the boring details:

Geke (Gee-ku) Keuter
20 (09-01-1996)
I live together with:
Both of my parents, 1 older sister and 2 younger twin sisters+3 dogs and 1 crazy parrot
Hobby's and the stuff which interest me:
-Photography (thanks to horses)
-Horses (natural horsemanship)
-Food and health (Since February 2016; only vegan foods)
-the mind
-music (rock, metal, alternative music.. all 'good' music actually!)
(it took me a long time to have an answer to the next 2 questions)
Favorite movie:
Dirty dancing (the first one) and Spirit: stallion of the cimarron(no it's not a joke)
Favorite book:
The power of now
This year I finished my study for doctor's assistant (yay for me), but.. I don't feel finished with school just yet! At the moment I'm taking a leap year for myself and to earn some money before going back to school. After this year I want to start with a study called: International Food&Agribusiness.
What my character is like:
I would say I'm quite a sensitive person. Not only sensitive for my own experiences, but I also feel what others feel. When you cry, I will cry with you kinda thing.
I'm loving. I love my family, friends, animals and the people I interact with. I'm not one for shallow relationships, I like to connect on a deeper level. I'm most likely to connect with people which share the same mindset/thoughts etc.
I don't dislike someone fast and I'm not one to judge on someones behavior, but when I do dislike someone..they're really in my black book. Most likely for life.
Lately I'm trying to let go of the people who have a negative effect on my life..
I always try to stay away from bullshit and people talking crap and/or causing trouble when there is nothing wrong. What's more..I'm eager to learn, to improve myself and my knowledge, discover things.. I think you know the drill!
I like to be by myself and do my thing, but I also love it to be with good company. And I mean only good company! People I can have a good time with and have good, meaningfull talks with.
Some other things: i'm not good in making decisions, I change my mind a lot, I like to have control over things happening in my life/around me.
So.. that's quite an expanded answer. Best is to meet in real life ofcourse! I just looove to meet people in real life who I met online :D

Now time for the hardest part.. my story!
So I guess it's not a shocker when I tell you I had an eating disorder.
Most girls saying: there's a story behind all of this had/have an ED.
With me it didn't start with wanting to lose weight, there are lots of reasons why it started and it goes very deep. I've always been quite emotional, insecure, afraid of the future etc.
Dealed with some depressions when I was younger, but never told anyone.
Looking back I realize I actually had a tough youth.. at the time everything seemed like it was just.. life happening? But now I know where my social anxiety, depressions and all that came from.
(Now I seem like a really 'worried' child/teenager, but in my own circle of people I was different ofcourse. I did, and still, like a good laugh)
It all went 'wrong' when I had to sell my horse (when I was 14) and other things happening around school and my relationship at the same time(the birth control pill also caused depression)

I signed up at the local gym to kill free time, but when I start something I go all the way..
So I started to adjust my food intake. Had to eat more healthy and needed more protein right? (wish I could talk sense to myself at that time)
From that point the ED started, if not before that. I actually don't know anymore.
The feeling of having that controll over my body felt so good, it gave me a 'purpose' or something, I felt like I was good at something. Also I loved to be in the 'instagram fitness community', all those girls sharing things and doing the same thing.
But I wasn't myself anymore. Went from being a shy kid to an outgoing teenager and back to a shy insecure (older) teenager/yound adult.. felt insecure in groups, wanted to be by myself all the time, I was reaally cranky to my family and tried to avoid them. I even was a bitch to my dogs and thought it was a waste of time to cuddle with them or take them for a nice walk. My mindset was: be productive, all the time.
I won't go into detail about how much(how little actually) I ate, how much I worked out, how horrible and weak I felt (sometimes I almost fainted at work), because that shit is the past and I don't want to trigger anyone!

(I don't have a lot of picures from that time, because I didn't feel comfortable making pictures of myself. But on the first picture I already lost some weight as you can see and on the second my face is so narrow and the smile so empty.. I have and always had 'chubby' cheeks so that's kinda weird to see)

How it came to an end?  I knew I had a disordered relationship with food, but I thought everything was under control and my complaints didn't came from that blabla..
I told everyone at home(which wasn't a big shocker, but they never realized how bad it was) and wanted to recover on my own terms. Started increasing my intake, but still healthy and didn't stop weight lifting. After a while I did stop doing cardio and that helped with gaining weight!
I gained some weight quite fast and I was at my goal weight at the beginning of this year.
When I knew I didn't fear any foods anymore and felt myself again(I was sooo afraid I could never find myself back anymore) I allowed myself to become vegan! BEST FCKING DECISION EVER! It did sooo much good for my mental health.
Oh and I stopped ALL excercise, because my period is staying away. I didn't have my period in 2,5 years I guess. Went to the doctor, did a blood test: I don't have a deficiency in any vitamin and my hormone levels are perfect. So I have to be patient and wait for it to come back..
(HA! non-vegans, shove your arguments about vitamin deficiency up your ass)

My whole life I had bowel problems(also one of the reasons for my ED) and thanks to my ED I made those problems worse..I'm trying to heal my gut for a while now, but I think it's impossible. Only when I avoid gluten and processed food the complaints are to a minimum. The bloating, gass and painfull stomach can make me very insecure and feeling really down sometimes. It makes me wonder what in the hell I'm doing wrong. And thanks to those problems I'm still 'obsessed' with my food intake, because I can't just eat everything. Thankfully I now kinda know what to avoid and what makes my body happy :)

At this point I'm trying to find the right balance in everything: food, mindset, excercise, alone time and spending time with others, being productive and relaxing.. Going vegan changed my view on everything! Most of all: I love more! Not only love for other earthlings, but also myself <3

''re vegan now.. is that not ed/orthorexic behavior?''
For a very long time I wanted to become vegetarian, ever since I was a little kid.
My parents and everyone around me told me it's normal to eat meat and we can't live without it.
When I was getting more into healthy food(while the ed started)I came to the conclusion that 'too much' animal products weren't good. That we should also get our protein from plant sources.
It was a big struggling point for me, because my mindset was still: 'we need animal products and it's my ed talking that I shouldn't eat processed animal products', but I also really wanted to keep it to a didn't feel good to eat meat, dairy and eggs. At the point where I felt recovered I allowed myself to become fully vegan! After being vegetarian for one month.
I have one rule for myself, because I never EVER want to feel like I'm restricting myself: If I really want to eat something, I eat it! Doesn't matter if my stomach hurts, how full I am contains something from an animal.. and yes I dare to say that out loud, because I know I will never want to eat something which contains ANYTHING from an animal!

What I also want to point out: after my ED I actually never went back to craving 'junkfood/unhealthy food'.. I genuily want to eat whole plantbased foods <3

(I forgot to mention that somehwere in this story I got together with my boyfriend <3
He knew me way before the ED, during and after.
Lucky for me he kept sticking around)

Geen opmerkingen:

Een reactie posten